Voldemort and the Muggle Device
by MMMMmmmrrrrrmmmm
Summary: On a rainy day, Voldmort encounters the fun in Muggle games. Too bad he had to break it. Too bad for Snape. Crack-fic
1. Chapter 1

Lord Voldemort was feeling quite content. The last mission to buy up all of the chocolate frogs a couple days before Halloween had gone wonderfully: none of his Death Eaters had gotten lost in the pastry section like last time, and Macnair had even managed to steal twenty acid pops. He was humming happily watching the–in his opinion–nice weather from his private study in the manor in Little Hangleton. Toads rained down from the sky.

"Ah, isn't life as a dark lord just wonderful sometimes."

Unfortunately for the dark lord in question, he jinxed it by voicing it out loud, and a loud beeping noise came from a room behind him. Whipping his head he made sure his cloak billowing charm was in place (Snape had taught it to him a couple weeks ago, and it really did do wonders for intimidation) and stalked towards the offending sound.

Entering the living room, he found one of his Death Eaters sitting in the sofa with his legs tucked up under him. Voldemort watched perplexed as the strange beeping sounds continued in random sequences as the man's fingers moved in rapid motions across the rectangular surface

"Barty. What. Are. You. Doing." Voldemort glared, putting around 48% dark lordiness into the gaze. He wasn't going to intimidate the man too much, after all.

Barty either didn't seem to notice him or he deliberately ignored him. Voldemort bristled at the thought of it being either of the two options. How dare he not be intimidated enough by his presence to notice him? Was the billowing cloak charm and his dark lord glare not enough to make his presence obvious? Or, how dare he ignore _him_? Ignore Lord Voldemort?!

"Barty!" he barked out again, this time fuelling his glare with 40% more dark lordiness.

Barty continued to not take any notice of him.

Voldemort felt ready to scream: when had such insolence become a common thing today's youth!?

"You dare to disrespect your lord? You dare to ignore the very person who gave you this honorable life you have today? Is this how you pay back my endless tolerance and hate," he paused and added and explanation, "because love makes you weak so hate is the opposite of love so it must be positive. By not replying to me, Lord Voldemort? What prompted you to abandon our noble cause, the cause we are all burning for, with passion stronger than the fires from the depths of hell? Was it money? Was it eternal glory? Fame and women? Did Dumbledore tempt you with his ideas of light and dark? Was it Potter? Did the brat convince you that..." Voldemort was cut off.

"Yes!" Barty pumped a fist victoriously in the air. "Yesyesyesyesyes! Take that! You filthy turtle!"

Voldemort, who had initially been rather miffed about being cut off in what he considered one of his better rant improvisations, looked at his follower, wondering if he had simply gone insane. Turtles?

"What." _Turtles?_

"Oh," Barty looked up and noticed Voldemort standing there. "Good evening, My..." he observed Voldemort's rather sour expression, "...Lord."

Voldemort glared. "What are you doing _Barty_?" He crossed his arms, content that he was given the proper amount of fear and respect but not willing to show it.

"Me? I'm... uh, playing Mario." Barty squirmed in his seat. He attempted to slowly put the device in his pocket, but the Death Eater cloaks seemed to be just too small. The man cursed mentally and made an attempt to change the topic. "Nice weather today, right? I've always liked toa…"

"Mario."

"Mhm." Barty grimaced but nodded.

Voldemort glared again.

"...My Lord."

The Dark Lord continued the staring contest which his follower unwillingly found himself in. Barty swallowed nervously. After approximately the time for his hands to get thoroughly sweaty, he spoke again. "Well, it's this muggle ga..."

Voldemort cut him off. "Muggle game?! Muggle?! Barty. Are you a member of the Death Eaters?" He waved his hands round like the madman he was, and stared incredulously at Barty.

Barty nodded slowly, his mind busy contemplating whether a cruciatus curse was worth his nintendo.

Voldemort glared again. Honestly, today's youth_,_ he seethed, no respect and no knowledge of proper attitude.

Noticing the glare which was once again directed his way, Barty's head snapped up. "Uh, yeah. Yes My Lord! I am, yes, I am. I am a member of this fine organization named Dea..."

"Blah, blah, moving on. What do we fight for?" Non-existent eyebrows were furrowed in annoyance and impatience.

"Uh," Barty looked around like that one slacker who had been sleeping in class but woke up to a question about number of molecules in the biochemical process of separating neurological functions*. "Killing the Potter brat?"

Voldemort sighed, and stared out in the air in a mix of dread and sudden self-enlightenment. "Do I really talk about him that much?"

"Yes, My Lord," said Barty instantly.

"You were supposed to say no, that's how social cues work. You know, it's like if I said that I'm ugly, then you're supposed to say..."

"Yes, of course, my Lord. You're always right,"

Voldemort wondered if he had trained his Death Eaters too well as he turned his head to stare out the window in this dramatic melancholic fashion you only see in movies.

"Uh, ok, no, My Lord. You _certainly_ don't talk about any mop-haired, scarred, teenage Gryffindor boy with mesmerizing eyes as green as the killing cur..."

"That's enough, Barty." Snapped Voldemort.

"Of course, My Lord."

"Well, _anyways_, along with killing the old man's pet, uh," Voldemort frowned, "wait, it _is _actually first priority on my Evil Mastermind day-plan since the last fiasco... but, well. We want to eradicate anything muggle!" He threw his arms out towards the sides as he all but screamed out the last sentence. "Bwahahaha... cough, cough," Voldemort seemingly put a "haha" in the wrong hole.

Barty stared fearfully up at his lord, wondering if this was the end of Voldemort. Did Heimlich maneuver work on Dark Lords as well?

"Cough, cough..." The Dark Lord drew in a breath and breathed slowly out and stoppsed coughing to Barty's relief. "Damnit. That ruined the effect. Whatever. That leads to the question: Why is one of my inner circle members using a filthy _muggle device_?" He glared at Barty.

Barty blinked owlishly before looking around in the room at anything but the Dark Lord in front of him. "Ah, you see," he began, "it's actually quite... umm, entertaining, my Lord."

"The only entertainment muggles provide in this household is my annual birthday muggle hunt!" Voldemort looked almost insulted as he glared at Barty.

"I mean, that's awesome too, looking forward to this year. But it's this character, Mario, who's trying to..." Barty hoped he knew his Lord well enough, as he took the nintendo up.

_Four hours later._

"Damnit! I almost had it there..." Voldemort threw a cutting curse at a nearby lamp in anger, having died in the umpteenth round of Mario.

"O-of course, My Lord," Barty wrung his hands in a nervous manner as he watched the lamp fall apart like the chair, table and all the other furniture in the room had done. He deeply regretted showing Voldemort Mario, because he was sure he'd never get it back without losing a limb or two.

"Hmm, take that you piece of shit! Lord Voldemort fears no one! Bow to my superior jumping skills, turtle! Bwahahaha... cough, cough. I think I'm coming down with a cold." Voldemort sighed as his coughing distracted him and Mario jumped down a hole. "Wait, where's this? Oh! I see the flag! The flag! Barty, you are witnessing a moment... no... NO! NOOOOOOOO! It killed me! I'm dead! Dead! AAAAAAARrrrghhhhh." He screamed and threw the Nintendo over the room and the begun cursing the remains of a chair repeatedly with more cutting curses.

Barty scrambled up to see how the flight went for his Nintendo, and was sorely disappointed when he saw the two parts had broken from each other and sparks were coming out of some cords. "Well, at least it didn't happen to me..." he muttered as he turned around to Voldemort, a broken half of the Nintendo in his hand.

Voldemort stalked towards Barty and ripped it out of his hands. Then looked at it with a furious expression. "Fix it!" he barked and held it out again to his Death Eater.

"My Lord," Barty looked with a twitching eye at the Nintendo, "magic can't repair electronic devices. It'll just make them worse."

"What? The muggles can't even make their inventions capable of handling magic? I need to defeat the final boss! Give me a new one, then." Voldemort waved his arms impatiently.

"That's the only one I had." Barty grimaced at the thought of it.

"Then get me a new one! This instant! Your Lord commands it."

"But, but. I promised Lucius I'd help him feed the peacocks today!"

Severus Snape was enjoying his day off at his home at Spinner's End. While it wasn't the most pleasant and homey home, it fitted the potion professor just fine. Today he had been brewing a couple batches of Skele-gro to Madam Pomfrey, before he started brewing some obscure insanely difficult potion only bats disguised as black-haired grown Potion masters could enjoy. Humming as he added another square centimeter of boomsland skin, he began counting mentally to 6.5 seconds before adding two more.

"Maybe life isn't as bad as it could be," he murmured to himself. Another drop of Norwegian forest cat spit.

Someone knocked on the door.

"God fucking damnit. Jinxed it." Snape swore before putting a stasis charm on the steaming cauldron. "Coming!" He called out, looking rather sour as he strided over to the door to find this ugly pale snake-human love child. His master, the Dark Lord. Snape had always wondered why the man never had done anything about his appearance. Not that he himself could judge, but he had at least hair even if it was full of potion fumes.

"Severus!" Voldemort threw his arms out in what could've been in a welcoming gesture if he hadn't shoved Snape's only plant and its flower pot down from the pedestal it had by his door. It broke and filled the Dark Lord's shoes with dirt. Severus watched as his Lord looked at the flowerpot as if it should apologize for having so rudely broken, and proceeded to vanish the dirt with a swish of his wand.

Snape blinked at him.

Voldemort frowned at his follower's lack of speech. "You know, I think there really is something about today's youth. First Barty and now you. A 'Welcome my lord how have you been this fine day' would've appreciated. But no, no, no, today's youth..."

"It's my day off today, My Lord." Snape pointed out. He prayed that his Lord would leave again. Never a single day free from other people... what did I do to deserve this? Was it my 347th remark to Longbottom the other day? Or how I took points from that little Gryffindor shit for snapping pictures of his treacle tart? Or maybe... His train of thoughts was interrupted by the voice Voldemort in front of him. Normally, he probably would have ignored it as his Lord's monologues were a bit too common, but this one word caught his attention. Snape stared at him incredulously.

"... a nantendi, but I am not sure where these muggle elecfoni stores are. And since you are a half-blood, you must know where to acquire a new one." Voldemort finished, staring at him in expectation.

"... what?" His thought train crashed and murdered a good part of his resident brain cells. He didn't even make an internal comment about how his Lord too was a half-blood. The shock spread through his brain like Ronald Weasley through the desert at dinner. What had he just said?

Voldemort sighed, shaking his head in a disappointed manner. "A nintelendo. I need a new one, as muggles are too stupid to make them magic resistant."

Hearing muggles being insulted by Voldemort thawed Snape's brain a bit back to normality and convinced him that this might not be just a surreal dream, and he came to his senses enough to stop staring –in what he supposed might've developed into an expression of horror–at Voldemort. "My Lord, you have..." he scanned through his vocabulary trying to formulate this in a way which would leave his day cruiciatus-free, "you have been in possession of a muggle device... nintendo?"

Voldemort nodded. "Yes, but after the 235th round it... slipped from my hands and unfortunately broke. And I promised myself that I would kill the final boss in that round, so I'll require a new one to do so."

Snape blinked.

The Dark Lord didn't appreciate how no one seemed to realize that even if he was over 60, he was still able to take part in and enjoy the modern culture. He tapped his foot in annoyance. "Well, let's go then. Apparate me to the nearest elftronkic store."

That made Snape come out of his internal crisis, and he stared in betrayal at his master. "What? No! It's my day off, my Lord!" He cast a longing look back at his potion. If he went now the stasis charm would break and he had wasted a bunch of precious ingredients.

Voldemort waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. "I can call Bella in to finish it for you."

Snape swallowed, imaging Bellatrix dumping his whole container of pixie dust into the potion for fun and blowing his house up. "...No thank you, My Lord. I appreciate your thoughtfulness but I don't believe that will be necessary."

It took them 5 minutes to locate a nearby muggle electronic store. 4 minutes if you subtracted the time Snape took to find a clean cloak. The pastel coloured building loomed with several floors over them. An old muggle lady walked nearby, looking in distaste at what she thought was the weird fashion tastes of today's youth.

"This is it?" Voldemort inspected the store from the window. It was one of the positive thing about not having a nose: you could press your face up on windows without your nose getting squished.

"Yes, My Lord," Snape looked nervously around, praying that no one would come up telling them how cool their costumes were, like last time he and his Lord had been out in the muggle world. He cringed at the memory. "Do... do you require my assistance further?" Voldemort had seemed to be in a good mood today. Snape hoped he would let him go. The stasis charm would hold 2 minutes more.

Voldemort turned back at him with an annoyed expression. "No. We need to get hold of a wintendor too, let's go inside."

Snape sighed and obeyed.

As it was in the middle of both the week and the day, the shop was almost empty. Longer into the store, a man in his early twenties was inspecting some weird earmuffs which didn't look comfortable at all to the Dark Lord. Muggles had no sense of comfort. Voldemort pursed his non-existent lips as he took in the brightly lit aisles and white walls. And neither did they have a sense of aesthetics. Honestly, did muggles have no idea that at least some dark green would spice the place up? He turned around to face Severus who had walked in behind him.

"Take me to the Nannytendons, Severus," he commanded, and watched with smug satisfaction as his servant obeyed without making a fuss.

Snape grimaced as he begun walking in the direction where he hoped to find muggle games and their devices. "Of course, my Lord."

Passing through areas filled with fridges and washing machines, they probably made quite a sight. A lone man seemed to notice them and approached them with a smile.

"Damn, my dudes," he begun. Voldemort narrowed his eyes. A lowly muggle dared to approach the Dark Lord? He dared to do so without shivering in fear and... before he got to start yet another passionate monologue the muggle man continued. "that's some funky cloaks you got, I mean, they look so real? I can't say I recognize the design though, which show does your cosplay come from? I would've thought I had recognized that face, but I can't remember any villains looking like you..." He prattled on, oblivious to the others' lack of response.

Snape made a pained noise. Not again! More muggles wanting to know which show they were dressing up from... God. Damn. It! Would've thought donning the Death Eater garb would make people take him seriously. Well, it did work in the Wizarding world, but muggles? This was a pure embarrassment. He picked a hair curler off the nearest shelf and began murderously killing his brain cells.

Voldemort raised a hand to stop the endless stream of words coming from the muggle. He didn't seem to notice Snape's brain cell genocide. Eyes narrowed as he stared with his best Dark Lord "you're under me"-look at the muggle. "You dare to approach me, you lowly muggle?"

The man's eyes widened, and Voldemort's eyes gleamed with satisfaction that he finally sparked some fear into the muggle. However, it didn't last long as the man smiled and started off again just as excited, if not more. "Ohh, I see. You're trying to make me guess. Let me see... White ugly face, no nose, obviously some villain or at least some evil dude, hmm, I can't remember..."

"Fear me, muggle! I am the Dark Lord! You will die by my hand this instant!" Voldemort hissed in anger and grabbed his wand. He pointed it up in the man's face, which only widened in glee to his dismay and frustrations. Muggles! They didn't see true danger even if it spit them in the face? Where was the respect? The groveling? The begging for mercy?

"A wand, huh. Well, at least I can cross out Star Wars... damn, this one is hard. Maybe a side villain from Lord Of The Rings?" The man raised his hand to his mouth in a thinking gesture as he stared at the wand pointing at his face.

His arms shook with rage which lead to the unfortunate fact that the Dark Lord Voldemort missed a killing curse at a muggle standing only 4 feet in front of him. Voldemort could only stare in disbelief as the green light missed the muggle's face with a couple inches.

"Wow! Awesome! Those effects must've cost a crapton of money," in his spiral of denial, Voldemort was distracted enough for the muggle to grab his wand staight out of his hands. He blinked stupidly as the muggle began waving it around as if shadow fencing. "Really, is this real wood? This is good quality shit, my sister would love to see this, do you mind if..."

His words were cut short by a more well-aimed stupefy from Snape, who plucked the wand out of the muggle's hands and handed it to Voldemort.

Voldemort blinked down at his wand, looked like he either went through a delayed mid-life crisis or had just been told that he was adopted.

Snape looked vaguely concerned as he peered into the red eyes of his master. "... my Lord? Shall we go to the nintendos?"

The Dark Lord seemed to have gotten back his spirits as they reached the section with nintendos. He all but jumped up and down as Snape announced that they had arrived, and looked expectantly down at the white boxes in the shelf they were facing. Taking in the lack of nintendos, he frowned. "Where?"

Snape blinked a couple times and frowned at Voldemort. "Here. They're right in front of you, my Lord."

Voldemort searched the shelf again, checking if he had simply missed them the first time, or if the muggles simply had a horrible stocking system. "I do not see any nannytendons here."

Only grimacing and not commentating on his Lord's worsening pronounciation for nintendos, Snape pointed at the boxes speculating if the encounter with the muggle had crippled Voldemort's sight. "Here they are, my Lord."

Voldemort narrowed his eyes, annoyed. "What? Those are just white boxes. I want a nantenly, not just some white boxes!"

"My Lord... the nintendo is inside of the boxes."

"Oh."

On his way out of a muggle electronics with a gleeful Dark Lord who held onto a nintendo the same way a 6 year old would have, Snape wondered yet again what the world was coming to.

**A/N: It's been some time since I've written, so I decided to just practice by writing crack. Hope you enjoyed whatever this was!**

**-Person who doesn't really go by Chantelle anymore**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here comes part to of Voldemort and the Muggle Device, which I hadn't originally planned to make but a review made me change my mind. **

**For "guest": I honestly didn't think about when this is happening, and my only reference was my own nintendo 2DS, which wasn't even made at that time. **

**Enjoy!**

Mario addiction spread through the Death Eater ranks by storm. Within the same week, the whole inner circle was playing it. No one had the time or desire to do any Death Eater things anymore, and neither did they get tasked to do any. Voldemort was just as deep into the addiction as them. Barty cackled with silent glee: he had always thought Mario was more fun than raids anyways.

Rounding the corner to the main living room, he found several Death Eaters sprawled around on the couches. Bellatrix was laughing, her curls flying wildly around as she made fun of Lucius' lack of skill in the game.

Lucius himself sat beside his sister-in-law, looking as irritated as the pureblood allowed himself to. He had been one of the last to give in and play the game. Purebloods playing muggle games? Lucius had been appalled by the idea. But after many secret looks of yearning, he had gotten everyone sans the Dark Lord (even with Mario addiction, Lord Voldemort was still as intimidating as ever) to swear a vow to never talk about the Death Eaters playing muggle games.

Barty sat down at the couch on the opposite of Bellatrix and Lucius'. "Gotten past level 3 yet, Malfoy?" He asked, not managing to keep a slight grin off his face.

Lucius ripped his eyes away from the Nintendo to glare at Barty. "Shut up, despite my late start, I _will _get better at this than everyone here! Especially better than _you, _you won't be staying at the top for long_._"

Allowing his grin to widen, Barty leant forward towards the other man. "Really? I could give you a few pointers, the button up to the left is used to jump, as it seems like you don't know it. Why would you fall down in that hole every time otherwise?"

Bellatrix' loud laugh al but echoed in the living area, and several Death Eaters looked nervously up.

Lucius continued to glare.

Albus Dumbledore arrived through the fireplace at 12 Grimmauld Place and brushed soot off his bright yellow robes with dancing pandas on. His old face was wrinkled more than usual in concern. The lack of Death Eater activity was beginning to tear on his nerves. Something big must be coming up. He was sure. Why else would Tom and his follower remain silent? Stroking his beard absently, he stepped into the kitchen.

"Albus! Good, you're here, everyone else are present." Arthur Weasley greeted him and gestured to the room filled with the rest of the Order of the Phoenix, sans Snape. The potion master had some other matters to attend to today.

"Hello, Arthur," Dumbledore smiled back before turning to the expectant faces of the Order, "thank you all for coming to this meeting, I have a couple concerns about what you might have noticed lately: lack of Death Eater activity. There has been no attacks whatsoever from Death Eaters, no Dark marks spotted in the sky. I fear that this means that they're planning something big…" He paused and let the words sink in. Lines of worry crinkled Order member's expressions, and Albus heard several sighs. He didn't blame them; a big attack could have devastating effects.

"What about Snape? Isn't he supposed to know something about this?" Sirius demanded, his shallow face etched with worry.

Dumbledore nodded in compassion to the other man. "As you may have noticed, Severus was not able to come today, but I will speak to him very soon to hear if he knows anything. Now… let us continue to other matter…"

Snape watched as a messy-haired muggle teen ran past him. He sneered. Not even in the muggle world could he escape from Potter… he stood in front of the same store he had visited with the Dark Lord some weeks ago, and then more times after that too. For some inexplicable reason, the Death Eaters and Voldemort had decided to go all in for nintendo playing and he had become the unofficial nintendo bringer.

"Why me…" he muttered to himself, yet he knew the reason why. Snape imagined Lucius or Fenrir Greyback entering this store and shuddered. It had been bad enough with Voldemort. No, as he was the apparent "muggle expert" because of his status as a half-blood, he was the one best fitted for the task. Snape didn't disagree with that, but he still didn't feel any particularly satisfied with being degraded to a simple delivery boy.

Ignoring the cashier who greeted him, he strode briskly towards the shelf with nintendos. It had become a familiar route by now. As he rounded the last corner he felt his heart stop. There were no more nintendos left.

"Are you looking for nintendos?" a voice behind him asked. Snape spun around, ready to draw his wand. The way too friendly face of one of the muggles working there met him.

"Yes."

He didn't seem too fazed by the abrupt answer, and nodded in understand. "Well, we've had problems with theft these past weeks, and now the last ones we've had are gone too. So no left, sorry."

Sighing, Snape turned around to walk out. Instead of being an Order meeting, he was here. In the muggle world, being told that there were no more nintendos left.

"I hate this." He muttered.

Hermione walked with a steady pace down towards the dungeons. She had to be confident. Come on, Hermione, don't sweat, don't fidget. Confidence is the key. Gripping her Potion essay in one hand, she smoothed out wrinkles in her skirt with the other. It was a bit too short. Not too short to be noticable, but still short enough for her legs to be noticable.

Her hair was loose, and smoothed out with an expensive hair potion she normally only used for special occasions. It bounced on her shoulder as she walked. With a determined expression on her face, she rounded the last corner.

There it was. Severus Snape's office. Her crush. Hermione sighed dreamily.

Knock

Knock

Knock

A deep voice called from inside. "Come in."

Hermione loosed the tight grip on her paper. She breathed slowly out and turned the doorknob.

"Professor," she greeted.

Snape raised an eyebrow at her. "Miss Granger. What is it?" He sat behind the desk in his office with a stack of paper in front of him. Pale long fingers held a quill mid-sentence.

The Gryffindor girl swallowed and straightened her shoulders. "I was going to ask about the potion essay, sir." She put a finger on her lip in a thinking manner, drawing it across the lip in what she prayed was sensual manner. She had practiced this in the mirror dozens of times, come on, don't chicken out now, Granger. "It was…"

A sound came from the fireplace and a blond man stepped through. He didn't seem to notice her as he brushed some soot off and headed straight for Snape's desk. "Severus, you need to help me with level 5! I made a bet with Barty that I could manage 20 levels today! God, those turtles…" words fossed out of his mouth.

Hermione stood perfectly still, watching as Lucius Malfoy talked about… levels? Turtles? Were they code words? What should she do? He was bound to notice her very soon. Professor Snape wouldn't let him do anything to her, would he? They were anyways in Hogwarts… her thoughts were cut short as Malfoy turned and noticed her standing there.

"...the floating galleons are also rather…" he narrowed his eyes, "I've seen you before. Not a pureblood… Hermione Granger, a mudblood." Malfoy stepped towards her.

"Lucius." Snape's voice was ignored by the blond.

"Hmm…" an odd glint had entered the man's eyes. "_You _are going to tell me every trick and secret the muggles have about Mario."

Hermione didn't even have time to protest before Lucius stunned her.

Lucius watched from his chair with hidden excitement as the mudblood slowly woke again. His _ennervate _had never been the best so it wasn't as instantaneous as it could have been. She around blinked in confusion. Laying on the floor with arms and legs bound with ropes would be disorienting. He smiled a predatory grin.

"Miss Granger…" he spoke slowly, drawing out the words. "You have some information I'd like to know."

The girl's eyes widened in fear. She struggled and tried to remove the ropes around her wrists in vain.

"Don't be afraid, girl," he said with a smirk, "you only need to tell me how to round some levels in Mario."

The silence was on the borderline of pregnant when she spoke. "...what? Mario?"

He chuckled darkly. "Mario, the nintendo muggle game. Surely you know what it is, hm?"

"I…" she seemed conflicted, "I haven't played nintendo."

Lucius leaned down towards her. "You're quite a good actress, mudblood. But you can't fool me. Tell me. How do I get past level 5."

It had been two hours, and Lucius had yet to get any answers out of the mudblood. He was sure the muggles possessed some greater knowledge they wanted to keep secret. Why else would the girl go to such extremes to not answer him. She had just been saying that she didn't know anything about it, which was obviously a lie. She had muggle parents, of course she would know everything about Mario!

"You might act all cool and ignorant now, but just you wait." Lucius growled and stood up. He crossed the room and opened a cabinet. Vials with different potions stood ready for his use. He picked a small bottle with a clear liquid. Gripping it tightly, he stalked back towards the girl.

"Open up," he commanded.

The mudblood clenched her mouth and turned away with closed eyes. Her expression fearful with dried tears running down her cheeks.

Lucius sighed. "_Imperio,_" he cast and commanded her to open up her mouth.

She obeyed.

He leaned forward and dripped 3 drops of the liquid on her tongue. The Death Eater released the spell and watched her lay rigid on the floor waiting for whatever consequences of drinking the liquid had.

"Ah, don't worry… it won't hurt you. Only loosen your tongue and composure a bit. Now, tell me every trick you know in Mario."

"I don't know any."

"Wrong answer, girl! Tell me!"

"I haven't played it."

Lucius screamed in rage.

Severus had been called to Malfoy Manor by a house elf. Walking down the lavish halls his steps echoed in the building. Lucius had promised not to harm the girl, and he hoped his friend had honoured the promise.

A door opened out to the hall. Lucius appeared in the doorway. He looked irritated.

"Severus! I oblivated the girl, no useful information on her. Who would have thought a mudblood would have so little information about muggel games? What else are they good for if they don't even know that... " He ranted on as Snape approached. "The potion will go out in maybe 10 minutes, take her back to Hogwarts."

With that he turned and left Snape behind staring after him. The potion master sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He entered the room.

Granger sat on a chair with a dazed expression on her face. She looked up at him when he entered. "Professor?" She asked with a frown, "where are…"

Snape cut her off. "How do you feel?" Looking for any visible wounds he found none to his relief.

"Now when you're here I couldn't feel better.." she slurred her words slightly.

"What?" Snape looked at her in concern. Had Lucius overdosed the girl? What had he given her anyways? He cursed himself for not having asked it before the blond had walked away.

"Mhmm… I could feel better if you came closer though. You look as handsome as ever, Professor."

With an incredulous stare he closed the distance between them. He stood some meters away from the chair she sat in. "What did he give you?" The girl must have ingested some sort of mind altering potion to make her spew out something like that. She was clearly delusional.

"Malfoy? Some blank stuff, three drops... I've always wanted to tell you Professor, you always looks so sexy when you walk." She smiled dreamily.

He gave her a disturbed glance and stood up to check her eyes. "Keep your eyes open, Miss Granger." He leaned forward and took in the glassy look on her eyes which was a sign of the Veridque serum, a common serum for loss of composure and… lips crashed onto his own.

He stepped back in shock just as he had felt a tongue grace his lips.

"What…" as he took in the besotted expression and what she had been saying before, combined with his newly discovered information, realization dawned on him. "God."

"Severus… why did you step back?" She almost pouted. "I love you!"

Snape groaned. This was going to be awkward. He wondered if he should just oblivate himself after getting back to Hogwarts. "I hate my life…" he muttered.

It was dark when Snape had finished up all of his potions for Madam Pomfrey. Always pushing the incident with Granger back under a rock behind his occlumency shields, he tried to forget the looks she had given him during the potion's influence.

Placing his silver stirring rod back in the shelf, he heard the door open.

"What I wouldn't do for some piece…" he muttered before raising his voice, "come in!"

The ugly sight of bright yellow and dancing pandas met his sight. His very own boss and co-worker, Albus Dumbledore. He scowled at him.

"Hello Severus! I'm sure you've had a long day but there's no reason to look at me like that." The Headmaster sat down in a chair without for Snape to tell him to. "I find myself a little bit concerned, my boy. Have you received any information about any big attack coming up?"

Snape continued to stand stubbornly as he answered. "No, but…" he grimaced as he felt the vow keeping him from continuing. "I am unable to tell."

Dumbledore nodded as if understanding, "ah, then it is as I feared. Tom doesn't trust anyone with this, so it really is something big."

The potion master made a frustrated sound. "No, it'n n.." Snape broke down in a coughing fit.

Standing up to pat Snape on the back in a grandfatherly gesture, Dumbeldore nodded in compassion. "Of course, I know you're always trying your best for the cause. But I have gotten the information I need from your lack of ability to talk about it. There's something big planned here… maybe an attack on Hogwarts. I will have to heighten the security."

Snape looked at Dumbledore in despair, wondering what he would have said if he knew how wrong he was.

"Do not worry, Severus," he said, "you cannot do anything else, and I have gotten your warning, With your help, we will surely win against the Dark Lord." Dumbledore stood proudly before walking out of the room.

"Goddamnit," Snape swore and sat down in a chair. With a flick of his wand he summoned his bottle of whiskey.

He had been called in for the first meeting in some weeks. Snape was almost feeling excited as he stalked down the halls of Malfoy Manor to the usual meeting room. He had been a little bit delayed by a brawl between Flint and Wood again, but now he was on his way.

It wasn't as he was excited about Death Eater once again going off to kill and maim, but at least they would maybe stop this insanity. Mario. He hated Mario with passion.

Slipping with silent steps into the meeting room, he stood in the shadows with a couple others.

The air was filled with excitement. Voldemort stood at the end of the long mahogany table in the middle of the room. A diabolical smile on his snake-like features.

"It is time, for the endgame…"

Snape's head whipped up. Endgame? Was it really a big plan coming up now? Was the war going to finally end? He unconsciously leaned forward in anticipation.

"We have all waited for this. This is what we have been training for. This is the finale we are all looking forward to… Where the winner will stand, with eternal glory." His smile widened further.

Listening to the pure silence in the room, Snape could only hold his breath.

"We are all waiting… for the Mario tournament!"

"I fucking hate my life." Snape whispered harshly to himself. Fate must really hate him.


End file.
